Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be tricky. Not only is it often challenging to confront another person, but it can be equally as difficult to know where a boundary lies in the first place. To compound an already sticky situation, throw in social conditioning and gender biases, and it can feel almost impossible to speak up for one’s boundaries. Yet, knowing and enforcing boundaries is a powerful act that helps a person define their personal limits and protect their treasures. Boundaries help facilitate deeper intimacy and closeness in relationships, by helping others understand how to best love you.
Boundaries are multidimensional. We have our physical boundaries, such as not tolerating physical violence. We have emotional boundaries, so as to not allow emotional abuse. We have mental boundaries, to protect from the germination of self-defeating beliefs. And spiritual boundaries, to protect our gems of self-love and connection. In order to know where boundaries exist, we have to be able to understand our emotions. Emotions reveal when a boundary has been crossed or violated by erupting in anger, sadness, or even irritation. Emotions also show us when we our boundaries have been honored, through joy and delight. In order to identify and enforce our boundaries we need to tune into where a feeling is arising from and decipher the message it carries.
Interpersonal boundaries refer to the boundaries we put in place between ourselves and other people. Intra-personal are the boundaries we have within ourselves to protect ourselves from our own mistreatment. The boundaries we have within ourselves serve as standards for self treatment and can foster self love and compassion, while calling out self degradation. If we do not have boundaries around what we believe about ourselves, from what we deserve to who we are and what we value, we can become vulnerable to toxic messaging that lowers self-esteem and invites disempowerment. Consent arises from knowledge of one’s boundaries, if you do not know your boundaries and limits, what you want and what you do not, it is difficult to ascertain what you are willing to consent to. Consent from within empowers a person to use their voice and stand firm in integrity and authenticity.
Practice: Identify how your body signals where your boundaries are. Create a list of your known boundaries for each level: spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical.
Challenge: Do you feel able to listen and speak up for your boundaries? What obstacles do you face in stating, enforcing, and maintaining your boundaries intra and interpersonally?
